Everything You Need To Know About The Eldritch Horror Lurking In Your Closet. Now. Right Now.
You asked your burning questions in the faintest of night-whispers, and we’ve summoned the answers from the depths of the beyond. Here’s all the #creepy fun factoids on your favorite #horror, straight to your brain-box from the finest seers, oracles, sooth-sayers, and totally tuned-in ghost-vibes.
1) It Is More Afraid Of You Than You Are Of It
Probably. Probably is.
Smiling, But A Kind Of Nervous, Awkward Smile
2) Its Name Is Reginald Bernstein Berenstain Berenstyne IV.
It is not a Babadook, in the strictest terms, but it is a friendly cousin. It does not speak of the Berenstyne universe. This is not for mortals to know.
This Is The Truth In THIS Dimension, At Least
4) It Comes From Another Dimension.
With voyeuristic intentions. Well secluded, it sees all.
Reginald Would Love To Do The Time Warp Again
5) It Loves You.
Regardless of your appearance, age, gender identity, social standing, religion, scaled appendages, third-eye membranes, or lack thereof.
Give Your Friend A Hug!
5) It Believes You Are A Good Human.
And that you deserve a good life free of scorn or censure. It will perform unspeakable acts of mayhem to ensure you remain blessed and prosperous. Reginald believes in you, whether or not you believe in it.
When You Get To The Door, Tell Them Boris Sent You
6) Reginald Is Gay, And Has Reached A Healthy Level Of Self-Security.
It’s here. It’s an unknowable being from the dark-aether. Get used to it.
Quite Secure In Our Darkness, And Ourselves
7) It Will Devour Your Enemies Utterly.
Usually by unhinging its jaw in a really weird way. Seriously, Reg, that’s messed up.
8) It Will Be Your Best Friend.
As long as you bring it offerings of witch-harvested honey collected in silver thimbles, and iambic-pentameter verses read aloud before a hellish inferno on #Halloweennight (or that Yule Log channel thing if you don’t have a hellish inferno).
It’s Okay, Reginald Isn’t A Stickler For Details Here
9) It Enjoys Smooth Freeform Jazz.
But the chill-out lo-fi hip-hop kind, heavy on the bass, not the pretentious kind your dad likes.
10) It Is No longer In Your Closet.
But you are never alone.
Because You’ll Be Having So Much Fun!
Is this a comfort or a warning? You decide. (In the comments, if you’re so-inclined.)